There’s been a lot going on recently.
Both in my personal life, and outside in the big wide world. It can make a witch pause and take stock of the important things in her life.
Recently, I’ve felt a bit of a slump in my spirituality- not necessarily a crisis, but something very similar.
We cleaned out my witchy room to give my brother-in-law, who lives with us, his own space. It was something that I wasn’t going to do at first, but the joy of having him stay with us is more important than having a dedicated space for my belongings. In doing so, however, I realized how much “stuff” I have that I rarely ever use.
Seeing my collection of things, I grew disconnected with it all. The belongings I’ve compiled were almost like a shield- my vast assemblage of crystals and herbs a testimony to how dedicated I am to my craft and how superior I am, now as a spiritualist, than I was before. An homage to how I’ve survived the insurmountable, I suppose. However, as my brain grows accustomed to being “normal”, I realize that I don’t need to be a collector to be a great witch.
Filling a void in myself, or running away from an insecurity, by amassing “things” isn’t how I wish to grow into the best me. In understanding this, I feel a bit out of touch with my spirituality.
What I believe is forever shifting. A gift and a curse, I take information from everywhere and constantly integrate it into formerly held beliefs. As mature as it sounds, it also leads to a sense of loss- never knowing where I’ll end up, or if my beliefs are real.
I have an adoration for Kuan Yin, yet, I don’t believe in the divinity of characterized archetypes, so in my moment of crisis- I don’t even have that to lean on. I believe in magick, energy, and the power of thought; I believe in my ability to create spells and to affect change- but is that enough?
I suppose it will have to be for the time being.
My point is that we all suffer these identity crises. Even a seasoned witch like myself is damned to wonder whether I’ve got it all figured out.
And, as I sit here, I doubt that I do. Or if I ever will.
But, what I do know is that I won’t give up. I will edit down my assortment of belongings, and know that it is not the size of my collection that gives me faith. Sure, those perfect Pins with the witchy aesthetics are nice, but I’m not that type of witch. I’m the simple sort, who knows that efficacy is worth more than a pretty picture.
In this moment, I realize that I’ve not lost faith in my spirituality per-say, but instead, I’ve begun to redefine it.
As with us all, our spirituality is best when it is fluid- adaptable to circumstance and ideals. And yes, at times, it will feel we’re floating in a lonely ocean leading to a dark abyss- but that’s never true.
Spirituality is a connection to the spirit, to the energy of the Universe, or to the deities one holds sacred. Like the Grinch, I’ve learned that it is not packaged in boxes and bows, but in the actions of myself and my craft. I do not need a plethora of items to secure my potential, but instead, must push past the superficial into the realness of my soul.
I don’t need these things to be powerful. I don’t need them to create an honest connection with my inner self. In fact, if I’ve learned anything by staring at this amassed clutter, it’s that these things can actually detract from my spirituality.
For now, I will continue being the witch I know I am. That may mean I have less crystals, fewer herbs, a smaller Tarot collection, and a bit less candles- but my power will not change. I am so much more than my belongings.
I just wanted you all to know that you are not alone when you feel those dark moments of desolation. You are not alone when you feel lost and afraid that your next steps are unsure. We all deal with insecurity- we all deal with shielding ourselves in various ways to handle what we think is the problem.
I’m here to tell you that as long as you are true to you, it matters not if your beliefs change from moment to moment, if you never pick up a witchy item, or if you choose to collect until your entire house is an altar to your spirituality- if it makes you feel right, and harms none, then it’s right.
It’s also okay to not know what that means, and it’s definitely okay to realize that what it meant before isn’t what you’d like it to mean going forward.
That’s where I am now. Shifting into something new. And though I’m unsure what that means, and what will change because of it, I know that I am still just as powerful as I was before. I know that I am still a force to be reckoned with, I still have a huge heart and I still love without conditions.
The rest is just window dressing.
Take your time and listen to your heart and your soul. When you are in a moment of despair, both will guide you to the light you seek.
Until then, I’m here, struggling with you on this roller-coaster of life, constantly second-guessing myself and wondering if I should be doing things differently.
We will survive these moments, and we will be better for them.
I know it.
And that faith will never waver because I believe in you just as I believe in me.
Until next time, my friends…