“Go then, there are other worlds than these…” –The Gunslinger, Stephen King
Death is a natural part of life, yet, we’re never ready for it. We dread it, fear it, and even do all in our power to avoid it. When it comes for someone we love and care about, time seems to stop and a part of us dies right along with them.
We must relearn to live again, trying to find a balance between what used to be and what will be. Memories resurface that have long been buried, and we try to imagine how we’ll ever make more without them.
As a witch, I take some solace in my belief that this life is not an end. Science even tells us that energy can neither be created nor destroyed, and we are all just varying forms of energy.
But, that doesn’t stop the pain of the living left behind. Nor does it stop Death itself.
In each of our lives, we will say goodbye to many whom we have handed pieces of our hearts to. Tonight, as I write this, my husband and I mourn someone who passed just hours ago as we sit in the numbing limbo of not knowing what happens next; and though it was not a surprise, as she’d been sick for some time, it still leaves us heartbroken.
My husband, a man of few words, hides his pain well, whereas I- an overburdened empath, do not. My tears came freely when we learned, just minutes after she left this world, whereas my husband shut down. He is quiet, contemplative, and somber. We all grieve in our own ways.
In my practice, I am a dreamer. I do not speak to the dead while awake- as a medium can, but I’ve been visited by a few members of my family who’ve spoken to me from The Beyond. My father has come to me several times, passing along information to my mother that I could not have known about otherwise. My Great-Grandmother, on the other hand, a woman who I was extremely close to while she was alive, is my guardian. She sends many signs, but she’s never come visit me in my dreams.
It makes me wonder if there are several choices in afterlives. My Great-Grandmother chose one, while my father chose another. The few times he’s reached out, he comes to me young, in shape, and happy; a stark difference to his once living self. He speaks to me with kindness and love, and expresses feelings toward me he never uttered in life. When he first visited me, I thought I’d gone insane- letting my grief invade my dreams. After speaking to my family, telling them of my “message” there were things I spoke of that made no sense to me, but resonated with them.
But, there are those, like my husband, who don’t believe much in the after life. For him, death is such a terrifying thought that he refuses to think about it. It leaves him clammy when the inevitable happens and he sees once again that our mortality is staring us in the face.
For me, I fear death in a different way. I fear having to live without the people who matter most to me. The women on both sides of my family outlived their spouses by decades, and I don’t want that for myself. It’s almost like that curse in Practical Magic that comes for their loved ones. I fear that more than I do dying myself.
Either way, Death is still a terror that stalks us all- whether we acknowledge his presence or not.
Therefore, I wanted to give you all some ideas of crystals that may help you in your time of grief. I hope this helps you, and that you’re able to cope.
Remember, as Jake told Roland, “Go then, there are other world’s than these…”
Fear of Death (for yourself): Blue Tourmaline
Blue Tourmaline is a wonderful stone of tranquility and serenity. Invoking a connection with the Spirit realm, and even latent psychic abilities, it can promote a better understanding of the world beyond ours. It helps to release the emotional connection that lies in the desire of immortality; blue tourmaline, or Indicolite, promotes an honest and deep conduit of communication between your ego and your deeper self- allowing those fears to come to surface to be explored and healed.
Fear of Death (for others): Kunzite
This beautiful stone is not only a phenomenal self-love charm, but it’s also perfect for someone experiencing the anxiety of death for their loved ones. Kunzite encourages the release of anxiety and stress, especially those stimulated by irrational thoughts, while healing emotional damage that may cause such things. It’s a magnet for love, allowing someone who is fearful to see past the possible future to enjoy the present with those people they care most about. This stone is also a stone of enlightenment, helping those who are stuck in the belief of this being the only plane to explore more realities.
Coping with Grief: Amethyst
Amethyst is an accomplished stone of psychic properties in the witchy world, but it’s also has some very cathartic properties as well. This stone works to remove the barriers that keep one stuck in the moment, releasing anxiety, negativity, and sadness- allowing someone who’s grieving to feel comforted in knowing this is not an end. Combined with other stones, it may also be used to create a connection, psychically, with the Spirit Realm.
Honoring the Dead: Amber
A fossil and a crystal all in one, this beauty is a living memorial to the past. It represents the fact that time is irrelevant, and that all things have their moments. To honor someone who has passed, Amber can be used as a charm, pendant, or altar piece for an Ancestor Altar- as it calls to those who are on the other side of the veil with its ancient ties and soothing properties, allowing them to come and go as they wish. Amber can also be used under the pillow to allow spiritual dreams and messages from The Beyond. This stone also heals wounded feelings, therefore, any unfinished business (or unsaid peace) can be released without any more suffering.
Moving through the 5 Stages of Grief
This crystal is a powerful scrubber of the soul, bringing the wearer into the present and allowing them to see clearly that which is in front of them. Aquamarine removes the need for denial, encouraging healing and peace while promoting inner-strength. This stone is best given as a gift to someone who has lost a loved one, as denial is often not something we recognize being in. However, if worn once news has been given that a loved one has passed- it can speed the process of grief, allowing healing and acceptance to come sooner rather than later.
Not only is Howlite an excellent sleep-aid, this crystal is a balm for high-intensity emotions like rage and anger. Instead of absorbing your feelings, Howlite possesses the unique ability to focus them toward better outlets. While anger is a healthy emotion at times, too much anger can lead to outbursts and depression; Howlite allows those inexpressible feelings to be used in more productive ways that is wholly dependent on the person. For some, this may present as creative endeavors, for others, it may just be getting out of bed and cleaning the house. Either way, Howlite promotes working through the anger of grief by keeping you from wallowing in it.
Barganing is one of the hardest stages to watch someone go through, as they try to reason with Death and/or make sense of it, and there is no reasoning with such things. Fluorite is a compassionate stone that aids in cleaning the energy, removing the limitations that life places on us. Though Fluorite won’t rid one of the urge to bargain with the Grim Reaper, it does allow those who are grieving to see that their pleas will remain unheard- but it does so in a gentle and soothing way. This stone also clarifies and cleanses the soul, allowing the wearer to see that we are all connected and that our loved ones are never gone if we remember them.
Though I would normally recommend Lepidolite to someone suffering depression, depression derived through grief is an entirely different animal. This sort of sadness is the beginnings of coping, and the budding of a new life that doesn’t involve the loved one’s presence. Because of this, Onyx is my choice. It is an absorber of negativity, but it’s also a grounding stone- healing while it creates a connection to the Earth’s energy. It transforms the depression and anxious emotions we feel when we experience loss into strength and perseverance- preparing us for the next step in the journey.
Jade is the Stone of Wisdom, providing ethereal knowledge to any who possess it. In this step of the process, we begin to understand that life is a cycle, and without death there is no balance. Jade provides the calm that comes with knowing everyone has a time- and that ours will one day come as well. It encourages us to live in the moment, understanding that tomorrow is promised to no one. It inspires creativity as well as intuition, which can help to unlock ideas and beliefs about what comes next.
Rest in Peace, Aunt Tina- you’ll be missed, but I know this is not the end for you. I hope we meet again, either on the other side or in the next life. We love you.
And I love all of you, each and every one of you.
Until next time, my friends…