I can write for a thousand years about pretty much any topic put in front of me; once, during college, I was asked to write a 10,000 word essay on the American Prison System- I had to edit it down because I’d somehow written over 15,000.
Yet, when someone asks me to write about myself, my mind goes blank. It’s not like I don’t know who I am. I’m probably the most qualified candidate to write about me, though, it would be a bit bias and would no doubt cast me in the best light possible. I often think there’s not much to say- as I feel like you get to know me through my writing, through what I’m passionate about. And, hopefully, through interacting with me via comments and messages.
However, for anyone interested, here’s a brief synopsis of me:
I was born in the 80’s- which means I’m either a millennial, or not a millennial, depending on who you ask. According to my son, no matter what my generational classification- 80’s still equals old.
I’m a witch. Surprise! Ha! I’ve been practicing witchcraft since I was in 5th grade, but in my path- I’ve been dedicated for the last 17 years or so (that just means I’ve been purposely practicing magick with intent). I’ve only been calling myself a witch for the last 13, more out of fear of reprisal from others than anything else. My label, or path, or whatever cool moniker the kids are calling it these days is Eclectic Non-theistic Solitary.
It’s just a fancy schmancy title for: “I’m a witch who takes a bit of everything I encounter and add it to my practice. I don’t have any dedicated deities (although, this may change very soon- I may have found my patron goddess), and I’ve learned and practiced alone. I don’t belong to a coven and I don’t subscribe to a hierarchy of man.” Boom!
I’m a Gemini Sun, which means that I’m admittedly a bit crazy. I have a lot of thoughts floating around at once, and I can cycle through them quickly- not to mention, I can juggle them like a circus clown. My husband, who is a Taurus, still has a hard time keeping up with me at times, and we’ve been together since the dark ages. I’m also very interested in a lot of subjects and tend to pour myself into them until I’ve absorbed all there is to know about it (which comes from my Scorpio Rising, and Aquarius in my 4th house).
I’m shy (hello, Capricorn Moon). Which is odd, I suppose, for a blogger- but it’s true. I feel small in significance, and usually tend to compensate for this insecurity by talking. A lot. Fortunately, that doesn’t change much once you get to know me- it just changes from being shy to being entirely too silly and sarcastic. I say fortunately, because this is my blog- and I’m going to make it seem as if I’m the best thing since Betty White (who, amazingly, came before Sliced Bread). My friends can create their own blogs and complain about how I don’t shut up all they want! Haha!
I’ve been married to the most patient man, in the history of ever, for 9 years now. We’ve been together for 13. He’s my rock. The person I go to when my brain has whisked me away into a storm of insecurity and doubt, or that darkness that abuse survivors might find themselves in, and he sits there and waits with me to find the exit on my own. I love that about him. He doesn’t fix things for me, though he is a mean mechanic and handy-man, he lets me fix them and just holds the flashlight. I don’t know what he gets out of our relationship, but I know that I’ve never felt more safe with any single human being than I do him.
Our son is our world, and a constant reminder that there is beauty in every little thing. He’s hyper, intelligent, and inquisitive to the point that I find myself constantly in awe of how he sees the world. He’s homeschooled, due to a few medical conditions, and it’s been one of those decisions that I look back on and am so glad I took the leap. He’s not only learned so much, he’s taught me even more.
And yes, I’m a survivor of abuse. It took years to admit it, because I kept explaining away the terror in which I lived, with guilt. It was my fault for a many a year. I no longer believe that- but I do believe that it was a lesson for me. It grew me into this empathetic and truly unconditionally loving person that I’m not sure I would have been without my past. But, I do recognize that like anyone who’s suffered and survived trauma, I still carry unspoken wounds that need healing. I’m sure, if you follow along for any amount of time, you’ll see them bleed occasionally into my writing. Perhaps, as an outsider, you’ll see it in different ways than I do.
But, in knowing everything happens for a reason, I wouldn’t change what I’ve been through because it brought me here- to this moment. As I write this, my son- still young enough to love his momma’s cuddles, but old enough to be his own person, and my husband are chopping vegetables to make dinner in a house that is 1300 miles away from the place we used to call home. All I keep hearing is my son saying “I am going to pour so much love on it- just like Mom does!” and my husband laughing and explaining the proper way to cut an onion. If I had to live through my past a million times to experience this life, I would do so in a heartbeat.
There is magick in pain. In fact, at times, the pain might just be the very soil in which magick is born. We water it with love and passion, and it grows until we cultivate our best selves- our truest desires. We live in The Spiritual Garden, and we have complete control over that which we plant.
I have a beautiful life, and I truly wish to share it with you. Some days will be sunny and bubbly, as I normally am, and other days- it’ll be less so.
But, all of it is me. And, other than growing and healing, becoming a better mother, witch, wife, and friend- I wouldn’t change anything.