What makes a mother?
With Mother’s Day just passed, it seems appropriate to discuss an issue that I’ve been passionately pondering for quite some time.
For those of us who bore children, we’re celebrated for a single day by a society that normally wants to regulate our uteruses, oversexualize our bodies, and weaponize our healthcare.
However, for many others, this day is a reminder that no matter how amazing they may be, they will forever be defined by their ability to procreate. It can be a sorrowful and aching time.
Recently I had a friend, who has uterine cancer, ask me if her necessary hysterectomy would mean she’d lose her connection to the Divine Feminine. Her explanation for believing it might was that her womb was what gave her the power to be a mother, and the loss of such an ability would make her less of a woman.
I was absolutely saddened by the thought that she believed her divinity came from a body part until I realized she isn’t the only one.
We live in a time where gender is now considered a choice, biology is being redefined, and the adoption system is an overburdened palace of abuse and terror; yet, women are constantly being subliminally fed this lie that their ability to create a child of their DNA is what defines them as people??
No- just no.
Is a mother who’s adopted her baby less of a mother because it didn’t come for her womb? Is a mother who wasn’t born a woman less of a mother because she used a surrogate to carry her child?
Is the woman who can’t afford IVF any less of a woman because she’s infertile? Is the woman who chooses not to have children less than one who does, simply because she followed a different path?
What about those who have borne children and yet left them to neglect and abuse- are those woman, who’ve only served as vessels- more mothers than those who’ve tried over and over again without success? Is the biological predilection to pop out babies more worthy of adoration than the members of the LGBTQ community that have fought to have access to adoption?
Because, we can regulate a woman’s access to healthcare, abortion, and contraceptives- but screw the kid once it’s born…
And, how about the mother who struggles with depression and anxiety, constantly wondering if she’s doing the right thing with her children- only to be judged constantly and viciously by a society that cares nothing more about her than that she had a full-term birth?
The Divine Feminine is not our ability to have babies, loves.
Being a mother is far more than making children.
A mother is a person who gives love- like the Earth, she provides nurturing to those who need her- whether they’ve come from her flesh or not.
A mother can be an aunt, a friend, a guardian, a teacher, a neighbor, a single dad, or the woman who carried you in her womb for 10 months. A mother can be someone who’s always had your best interest at heart, or who’s never let you feel lonely. A mother is someone who’s put her own desires and wishes aside, in the moment, to meet yours. A mother can be someone who’s never had children, but protects all her friends with instincts sharpened by love. A mother does not have to be a gender specific role, nor does a mother have to be neurotypical, fashionable, perfect, or deliberate- as long as a mother shows support and love, a mother is a mother.
A mother is someone who loves without conditions.
This, my loves, is the connection to the Divine Feminine- not our uteruses. It can be felt by all of humankind, and is only denied in a patriarchal society that admonishes the weakness of community spirit.
Because united we are strong and that’s a terrifying thought for those who derive power from our struggles.We have a bit of Divine Feminine in us all, but we’re told it only belongs to the few.
The man who cries over the hospital bed of his lover, the old woman who feeds the neighborhood children, the friend who brings ice cream after a bad break up or understands that your anxiety means you’re always going to be a bit flaky, or the child who smiles at a lonely passerbyer- these are just tiny examples of that divinity in each of us.
Divine Feminine is an energy of compassion and altruism that allows the whole to thrive; it is not a gender, a biological clock, or a specific person- but instead, an intangible force that is supposed to live in balance with all parts of us.
It is spirit and soul that nurtures our surroundings, not a primitive notion to propagate our species.
Therefore, I want to wish all those who are mothers, in all capacities, who express their Divine Feminine in various ways- a very happy (though, belated) Mother’s Day.
You are Divine because you are Feminine, just as you are Divine because you are Masculine. Your gender, familial, or hereditary status is of no consequence. Your womb, or lack there of, is of no consequence.
Being a Mother means you love, unselfishly and without restraints, those who need it.
And, to those who may argue, stating that Mother’s Day only belongs to those who’ve had children- I’d say a deep look at your own Divine Feminine can reveal there’s enough sunlight to spread on everyone without throwing shade on anyone, sweetie. No one’s stealing your crown, we’re just making enough for everyone to feel like Queens for a day.
I won’t be defined by my body, or any of its individual parts.
And, neither should anyone else.
Until next time, my friends…