“I hate myself.”
That was my mantra for years. Any time I passed a reflective surface and caught a glimpse of my outside self, one that did not look anything like who I believed I was in my head, I immediately felt disgust.
I now realize, through some serious soul-searching, that my hatred came from denial. I’d packed on the pounds slowly over the years, and though I’d noticed that my pant sizes were getting bigger, the image of me in my head hadn’t. It didn’t help that when I discussed it around friends or family members, they always came back with the obligatory (but obviously untrue) “you’re not fat!”
The word Fat is like a curse in today’s society. It’s either said to degrade, or it’s a quantifier of ones worth. “You’re not fat” is another way of saying “you’re not awful”, as if being fat makes you a terrible person. We even have other cutesy sayings to cover up the word fat, as if it’s some how different.
‘Curvy’ is just a polite way of saying ‘fat.’
Why are we so afraid of being “fat”?
Though highly debated, there’s no denying that the Standard American Diet is rife with trouble- and that our country has a weight problem (according to studies, over 75% of men, and 60% of women are overweight or obese) . Science is steadily proving that insulin, and insulin resistance, has more effect on our weight than diet and exercise combined. I won’t bore you with the details, but I encourage anyone struggling with weight loss to do some research on insulin resistance. Basically, sugar, or glucose, is really what causes us to gain weight.
If you started to read the labels on anything you buy, you’d begin to notice just how much sugar is laced into every single thing you put into your mouth- and, lobbyists are forever trying to find ways not to even add it to the label! Currently there are over 60 (or more) names that sugar is labelled as, simply to confuse and trick the consumer (that’s us) into consuming more of it. If you think I’m crazy, check the labels in your pantry- then go check your toothpaste, and mouth wash. We’re being poisoned by rich people lining their pockets at our expense- and no one is stopping them.
Yet, we erroneous but automatically associate anyone who has a bit of meat on their bones with laziness and lethargy.
I was born fat and have always been, which was just fine and even healthy and cute until I turned ten or so. Puberty hit like a hurricane and brought a new set of rules. All of a sudden it was my fault I was chubby.
“They got fat because they don’t care, and since I care about myself- I’m allowed to label, degrade, and demean them!”
“Being fat is unhealthy! Fat people are gross!”
And, PSA TIME! Let’s just clear something up for the record right now- using the “it’s not healthy” excuse as a guise to hide your hatred for someone is absolutely appalling. You don’t care about their health, you care about the level in which you are attracted to them- and if they don’t fit into your preferred “potential mate” or “potential rival” folders in that instinctual part of your brain, you associate them a zero sum value. Which makes it easy for you to ridicule them- yet in a civilized society, demeaning others might make those who are in you potential folder dislike you, so you justify it. Giving reasons that are untrue to make yourself seem the victim of someone else’s fatness. It’s 2019, folks, you don’t need to want to fuck or fight someone for them to have feelings and be affected by your words. At no size have I ever hurt someone with my fat, and neither have any of those people you say are gross.
It’s a sickness that we need to address as a society, but unfortunately, fat shaming is still a real (and acceptable) thing- and therefore, most of us shy away from labeling anyone we love or care about with such a terrible moniker.
Yet, fat is defined by google as either a natural substance occurring in animal bodies, or a person with excess of the former. There’s no connotation, or depravity in that generic definition- it is just us, with excess.
Now adays there’s a term for people who like excess, in all things but fat, apparently- they call themselves EXTRA and they’re proud of it. (We’re even finding a way to make them feel terrible about themselves, too- using words like “too much”, “high maintenance”, “diva”).
Yet, excess of a substance in your body suddenly makes you terrible?
What about your character? What about how you treat children, or strangers, or people who aren’t the same as you? What about your charity and generosity toward others? What about the smiles you give to strangers? What about the ways you make people laugh (in a good way)?
Martin Luther King, Jr
“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”
Are those all positives about you negated because you are fat?
Hell no! I don’t classify my friends, or the people I like being around, by the number that reads out on their scale in the morning. I surround myself with people who are kind, thoughtful, generous, intelligent, affectionate, and loving. I could give absolutely zero cares about their weight. I care about their health, truly, but it’s not determined by their excess fat.
But, still, we shy away from the word- as if labeling someone we adore as fat will suddenly erase all the things that make them wonderful.
Fat is fat. And separating all the good qualities of someone from their appearance and the imperfections appropriated by society causes them to hate themselves. And if you love someone, why would you ever want someone to feel that way?
I am fat. I was fatter before I lost weight, and I’m fatter now than I will be as I continue to lose weight- but I’m still the same bubbly person I was at my heaviest. I still care about people as deeply as I did when I was large enough to see the whispers from strangers. Nothing about me but the number in my jeans and on the scale has changed.
Women are wonderful, but they get so caught up about their body. We need to unhook from worrying so much. When I don’t feel good, I look in the mirror and think I look fat and miserable. But when I feel good and whole, I’m not worried about my body because I’m living in it. It doesn’t become an object.
Losing weight is a personal adventure for me, as my weight gain was a defense mechanism against abuse- but, it’s not something I advocate to anyone who isn’t ready to take the journey.
But, if you’d like to lose weight for yourself, there are a few spells I’ve incorporated into my own practice that I’d love to share with you. Like all spells, they come with the intent to be our best selves (whatever that means to you on the deepest level), and its efficacy stems on your belief (and work).
Pocket Stones for Weight Loss
- Iolite: Reduces fat
- Carnelian: Increases energy and motivation
- Blue Apatite: Suppresses “appetite” (reduces snacking and binges, increase ability to make food choices based on nutrients not cravings)
- Garnet: Reduces toxicity in the body and organs
- Rose Quartz: Increases affection for self, and reduces need for perfection
Candle Spell for Weight Loss
- Yellow (or Orange- or both!) Candle
- Orange Essential Oil
- Cayenne and Rosemary herbs
Inscribe the Candle with your intention. For me, I usually put health or healing, as that’s my ultimate goal. Weight is a symptom of my damage, not a causation- so in order for it to come off and stay off, I must heal all of myself.
Rub the Orange Essential oil onto the candle. Orange is powerful in that it’s not only protective it’s highly energetic, encouraging you to work toward your goal- increasing motivation and dedication!
Roll the candle (or candles) in the Cayanne Powder and Rosemary. Cayanne is motivational fuel, and when eaten can increase the metabolism! Rosemary has anti-inflammatory properties (a huge factor in insulin resistance) and also increases your metabolism.
Sit in front of the unlit candle and picture you at your healthiest. Let it come to you, don’t force it. You might be surprised to find that what you think is healthy is not actually what you deeply feel is healthy. Once you have a clear image in your head, light the candle. As it is burning, feel what you’d feel if you woke up tomorrow and looked exactly like the picture in your head. Don’t just focus on emotional aspects, like happiness and fulfillment, but on physical ones (perhaps no more windedness, no more random aches, mental clarity, etc).
Imagine and meditate on these things for as long as you feel you need to to believe that not only are you capable of achieving those feelings and image, you are already on your way to achieving them! The first time you perform this spell, it may take the entire burn to get it through all those doubts you’ve suffered from past diets, criticism from others, lack of motivation, or just plain lack of confidence in yourself. The more you preform the spell, not only will you need less time to visualize, the gap in between who are you and who you want to be will grow ever smaller.
Leave the candle burning until it goes out on its own. The spell is now activated.
Discard the remnants in any way you choose. Don’t bury things I don’t want to keep, and since I don’t want to hold on to my old limiting beliefs of myself, I don’t bury these!
Don’t let the power you feel wane. Make small steps every day to amplify it, even if it’s just cutting out an extra soda. Every choice you make for yourself lends the spell even more power.
Preform as often as you’d like. At first, I was doing them once a week, right before I stepped on the scale, or when I felt my dedication wane. Now, I preform it once a month or less- as I feel the magick working through me without the need to focus it with a candle. You might find this the case for you as well!
Herbs (or Teas) for Weight Loss
These can be drunk as teas, rubbed on candles, or carried in satchels. Each ingredient can be its own individual tea, or in any combination that appeals to you. Try to avoid adding sugar, honey, agave, or any other insulin inducing glucose to sweeten. Monk Fruit, Stevia, Truvia, and Erythritol (a naturally occurring sugar alcohol) are not only beneficial to the body, they do not induce insulin. Avoid Dextrose, and Maltodextrin additive sweeteners like Splenda, or Equal.
- Ginger: Aids the stomach in digestion
- Green Tea: Raises the Metabolism
- Ginseng: Aids in digestion, raises Metabolism
- Turmeric: Burns Fat
- Cinnamon: Balances Appetite
- Cardamom: Burns Fat
- Cumin: Raises Metabolism
- Dandelion: Aids digestion
- Fennel: Burns Fat
- Lemongrass: Burns Fat
- Honeysuckle: Aids Success
- Hibiscus: Aids in loving the self
- Golden Seal: Aids in healing emotional blockages
Moon Phase Spells for Weight Loss
New Moon Spell:
(see my new moon ritual in action here)
The New Moon is all about setting “new” goals, or establishing “new” habits. It is the beginning of the moon’s cycle and aids in creation of a desire.
- Drawing Supplies
- Yellow Candle
Inscribe the candle with the desired intention (again, I usually inscribe health).
Burn and imagine you at your desired weight (or health, as iterated above health is not designated by a number on the scale!!)
Draw what you see on your paper- this doesn’t have to be good enough to hang in the Louvre. It just needs to have meaning to you. When you look at this paper, it should immediately invoke the feelings in you that you had when you drew it.
Write your desire in the present tense as an affirmation. An example: “I am currently at peace with my weight. I feel healthy and secure in my new, thinner, body. I eat for nourishment, not to cope with my emotions. I hydrate with water to aid in the smooth function of my cells’ ability to heal me. I resist temptation (in whatever that means to you), and I feel better in my own skin. I am not chained to a number on the scale, but instead judge my goals by how my body feels, and how my clothes fit on my body. I am comfortable in my skin, and my weight is no longer a hinderence in my happiness.”
This affirmation does a few things. Firstly, it establishes the weight loss, but secondly, it rewires your brain to look at your weight in a different way. It now becomes about your health, and not about your appearance. It removes the pressure to see a number on the scale (that might seem far away) and instead replaces it with a better way to judge your progress- like feeling good, and seeing your clothes fall off you.
You can make it specific as in “I enjoy stepping on the scale to see it read 125lbs,” but that doesn’t work for me- therefore I don’t do it. Work this spell in what way feels right. It’s your spell!
With your finished parchment, place it in a “Magick Box” , burn it, or tape it somewhere you will see it every day. Whatever feels right.
Burn the candle down, let your spell activate, and start working your way toward your goals knowing you have magick on your side.
Note: This is also a great time to set out any pocket stones for weight loss that you might be intending to carry. They will soak in the dark energy of the moon (the creation energy) and will aid you in the magick of your new beginning!
Full Moon Spell:
The Full Moon is the roundest the moon will be in its cycle. It is the middle of energy, when it is at its peak- and things have already begun to manifest. If you’ve preformed a New Moon Spell, this is a good time to go outside and give gratitude for the changes you have seen (or will see). You can also, if it makes sense to you, read and feel the intention you drew on the New Moon. With the Full Moon, you are enjoying the energy and the urge to continue- honor this!
If you haven’t done a New Moon ritual, not to worry- there’s no time like the present for you to change your life!
- 1 Piece of Parchment
- Writing Supplies
- Yellow Candle
Like the New Moon spell, inscribe your candle with your intention. Some feel the need to write different intentions during the different phases of the moon. If you choose to, you can make your inscription different to match the energy of your moon. The Full Moon is about persevering past, or even banishing negativity surrounding your goal, to cultivate your intentions- therefore instead of “healthy” I would write “bad habits”. The candle is now working to banish, or erase, it for you.
While the candle is burning, imagine the habits falling away with ease. You’re no longer chained to bad decisions, temptations (whatever that looks like for you), or addictions- you are free. When you have the visualization (along with the feelings that it’s already occurred), strong in your mind- begin writing a list of gratitude.
This list will include all the things you are thankful for- as if what you seek has already been given to you. It should be in the present tense, and should be positively affirming- not negatively.
An example of positive vs. negative gratitude:
Positive: I am thankful for being able to look in the mirror with pride.
Negative: I am thankful for not hating what I see in the mirror.
There are two reasons for this. 1) the Universe cannot discriminate between positivity and negativity. Therefore “not hating” something is just the same as hating it to the energy around us. Erasing negativity in the spell’s lexicon creates a more positive frequency. 2) As with the Universe, your inner self cannot distinguish between positive and negative. Using the word “hate” subliminally triggers an associative response to what we see as negative. You may not hate what you see, but your subliminal mind sees not hating as the same thing as not liking.
Write as many examples of positive gratitude as you can- this may take a bit and you may have to pause for quite some time after a few examples. Refocus on your visualization and feel it again as if it has already been given to you- the gratitude will come.
When finished, place this list somewhere you can see every day. I place mine over my scale- where I weigh myself every morning. Read this list as often as you can, and feel the gratitude you’ve sunk into it.
You will naturally continue to attract the things you are grateful, even after the spell has been completed.
Let your candle burn down, and dispose of your spell remnants in the way you choose.
*Note: this is a great moon to recharge your stones! Place them in the light of the full moon and let it soak in the energy to help you continue to push toward your goals.
I’ve also included a few self-love affirmations, because I feel loving who we are in what ever size we are in to be the best way to promote health. The way you feel about yourself is incredibly important to me. Your weight doesn’t bother me, in the same capacity as- in reality- my weight loss doesn’t matter to anyone but me. But you feeling good about you, and loving you like I do? That’s my health goal for everyone. I want your mantra to be what mine has become: “I love me.”
The affirmations may not seem true when you first begin saying them, but believe me, the more you say them- the more you’ll find they apply. I usually say my affirmations first thing upon waking, but as long as you say them (out loud is best), you’ll start attracting their truths.
Until tomorrow, friends…